A Quick Fix for the Blues

by Honolulu Mother

This article in The Week offers a few quick ways to boost your happiness.  At the end of the article (which gives more detail on why and how this works), it sums them up thus:

Sum up

Here’s what brain research says will make you happy:

1. Ask “what am I grateful for?” No answers? Doesn’t matter. Just searching helps.

2. Label those negative emotions. Give it a name and your brain isn’t so bothered by it.

3. Decide. Go for “good enough” instead of “best decision ever made on Earth.”

4. Hugs, hugs, hugs. Don’t text — touch.

Are there mood-boosters we could add to this list? For me, I would add (1) Go for a walk and (2) Put on cheerful music. What suggestions do others have?

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‘Compass Goals’

by Risley

Here’s an article from Tiny Buddha on setting “compass goals” instead of typical New Year’s resolutions. Have you made resolutions for 2017? If so, would converting them to “compass goals” be beneficial to you, or do you prefer the traditional type? Also, did you make resolutions for 2016, and if so, how did you do?

And related: do you subscribe to any daily e-mail services like Tiny Buddha, to receive articles on life improvement or other topics? Which ones do you find helpful and which do you usually delete without reading?

How to Set New Year’s Goals You’ll Actually Enjoy Pursuing

I Can Resist Anything But Temptation

by Honolulu Mother

This Vox article argues (based on a few studies and talking to a couple of psychologists) that the key thing with willpower is not so much having the self control to resist a temptation when it’s looking you in the face — apparently we’re all pretty bad at that — but instead developing a taste for virtue and cultivating habits that don’t bring you into temptation’s path, Other factors less conducive to individual control are winning the genetic lottery of being conscientious and abstemious by nature, and having the financial stability to focus on the future instead of just the moment.

Do you have any favorite tricks to avoid temptation?

Happiness

by Honolulu Mother

This long Oatmeal cartoon muses on what happiness means, and suggests that our definition of happiness is too limiting. The author won’t call himself happy. Instead, he says, “I do things that are meaningful to me, even if they don’t make me ‘happy.'”

(The cartoon is way too long to display in the post; you’ll have to follow the link)

If asked, would you describe yourself as happy? Or content? Unhappy? Or do you agree with The Oatmeal that those terms are too limiting to really capture the experience of living?

And if you’d like to be happier, the internet has no shortage of suggestions. E.g.

25 Science-Backed Ways to Feel Happier

Charisma

by Grace aka costofcollege

What are the components to charisma?

Charismatic behavior can be broken down into three core elements: presence, power, and warmth.

When people describe their experience of seeing a charismatic person in action, whether Bill Clinton or the Dalai Lama, they often mention the individual’s extraordinary “presence.” Presence turns out to be a core component of charisma, the foundation upon which all else is built.

But if presence is the foundation on which charisma rests, power and warmth are the stuff of which it is built….

You need all three to be charismatic, but the degree of each determines the kind of charisma you have….

You can become more charismatic.

Stare like a lover, stand like a gorilla, speak like a preacher….

Learn more:

How to Master the Art and Science of Charisma

Do you agree with the components listed in the quote, or would you describe it differently?  Are you charismatic?  Do you work on it?  In what specific ways have you seen charisma benefit someone?  Who is the most charismatic person you personally know?  Can you teach your children to be more charismatic?  What suggestions would you have for someone trying to be more charismatic?

Checklists

by Honolulu Mother

Atul Gawande now has a book out based on his 2007 New Yorker article on the use of checklists in medicine, piloting, and other fields:

THE CHECKLIST

The Checklist Manifesto: How to Get Things Right

His basic take is that although those doing complex work are reluctant to adopt a tool so simple as a checklist, they have proved a very worthwhile way to reduce costly errors and improve outcomes.

Do you use checklists for work or home tasks, or do you create checklists for others to use? How helpful do you find them?

Habits

by Risley

I just saw this Lifehack article about good and bad habits and thought of this group. It’s not real science, but I love these kinds of “small steps toward self-improvement” articles, and we’ve talked about this sort of thing here before.

The Benefits and Dangers of Habits

Totebaggers, what bad habits would you like to get rid of, and what good habits would you like to replace them with? And more than HABITS, are there MINDSETS you would like to delete and replace?

I’ll start: I would like to delete my HABIT of collapsing into my favorite armchair after a day of work and zoning out in front of Bravo! TV. This comes from a MINDSET of believing I am so mentally fried after a day of lawyering or writing that I can’t possibly focus on anything that requires real brain power.

I might not care about this so much if I could suck in 20 min of silly reality TV and then jump up, energized, and attack the evening (or even simply pick up a book). But for me, one of those shows often leads to many more, while on the flip side, doing one productive thing usually leads to an entire evening of productivity.*** I suffer greatly from inertia, and benefit greatly from momentum.

***By “productivity,” I’m talking about very easy evening activities like reading, not cleaning out the garage or alphabetizing the spices. For me, anything other than melting my brain w/ TV counts as “productive” in this context.

In terms of pure HABIT, I’ve had some success in making myself do productive things rather than collapsing in my chair and clicking on the Real Housewives of Wherever. But that’s surface-level behavior (which is what a habit is), and it feels very forced. I WANT to be collapsing in my chair; I’m simply not allowing myself to do it. A daily struggle like that doesn’t seem like a recipe for longterm happiness. By this point in my life, I’ve engaged in plenty of delayed gratification, self denial, rule setting, etc. I’m not sure I want/need/should engage in more of this.

So for me, real success would be replacing the “I’m so fried” MINDSET with an “I have a second wind!” one. I want to WANT to be productive in the evenings. (Jennifer Aniston would totally get this: “I want you to WANT to do the dishes”).

I don’t know what the secret is to replacing an entire mindset. Self talk? Years and years of forced habits until repeated action slowly brings about a new mindset?

Anyone have success with this? And what about the simpler question of HABITS? Any luck deleting bad ones, adding good ones?