By Mémé based on a post by saacnmama
Have you ever had a break in a significant relationship, one that you intended to mend, but the person died before you could?
S&M mentioned that seeing praise in the memorial comments for the traits you knew back in the day makes it all the more strange.
Sometimes a break is mostly a matter of drifting apart. I am sure most of us have been on the sending and receiving end of mid life facebook inquiries. Sometimes there is follow up, sometimes not.
0ther times there was a clear event or series of events that caused the break. If we were primarily at fault, we can look to the well known 9th step of AA and other recovery programs. “Make direct amends to persons [you have harmed], except when to do so would injure them or others.” Making amends is not merely apologizing or asking forgiveness, but taking action to repair any harm, if possible.
And reaching out to someone when we feel that we are the aggrieved party is very tricky. “I forgive you” is probably not the best opening line, even if it is true in a spiritual sense.
I recall a book in the 1980s, something like how to make peace with you parents (even if they are dead). That one was helpful to me. I think my Mom recommended it in the days before we had become close again.