Open thread

Today we’re open for discussions on any topics.

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166 thoughts on “Open thread

  1. I have a question! What should be my replacement car? I have about 3 months left on the lease and want to lease another ‘work car’ – needs to be speedy, nice pickup, and comfortable. I like the A3 pretty well, but it is not sturdy (e.g. the 2 flats I got on a big pothole) and I hate how the wipers automatically adjust to how much they think it is raining rather than go on a timed interval like I like. Any recommendations? I thought of looking at the smallest Acura and Lexus, and maybe the updated A3 and A4, but anything else? (I don’t like BMWs, too stiff for me)

  2. Rhett – too big, that is more like a family car. I am looking for a small sedan with good gas mileage.

  3. Carrying over from yesterday’s topic, which I missed:

    NoB – Happy 50th! What a great way to celebrate!

    And Fred – yes, DD’s bag arrived this morning. She reports her room there is “so organized!” (I guess she unpacked everything) and says she’s going to keep it that way all summer, and build a habit of being tidy. (She has always had a *very* messy room at home and I’ve been warning her that this won’t fly at college). She also reports that the 3 kids are super cute and the parents are great. So far, so good, on Day 2.

  4. Louise,

    Or this in the New York Times:

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/06/13/opinion/travis-kalanick-uber-bad-behavior.htm

    Students of Uber’s history can easily match particular recommendations to particular scandals, such as the sections related to “alcohol consumption during core work hours” or “consumption of nonprescription-controlled substances.” It also said that workplace rules governing sexual harassment and other prohibited behavior should extend to offsite conferences and meetings. “It should not be necessary to draft separate policies for these events,” it added dryly.

    I mean I get it, I do. Uber needs to transition into a big company run by adults. On the other hand, I hate seeing the fun sucked out of yet another thing by prissy blue-noses.

  5. This past year, we, and DD, realized that she is an endorphin junkie and REALLY needs hard physical activity to be a functional human being. But, she tore her ACL, and until after surgery and rehab can’t play her usual sports and is even having difficulty swimming. She does’t like using a stationary bike. Any suggestions for serious exercise that doesn’t involve using her knee?

  6. I mean I get it, I do. Uber needs to transition into a big company run by adults. On the other hand, I hate seeing the fun sucked out of yet another thing by prissy blue-noses.
    You and the WSJ. Did you see their editorial today?
    And I guess I would point out that “fun” seems to have been enjoyed by only certain folks there. Doesn’t sound too fun for that engineer whose publication started all of this.

  7. @Pseudonym: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYqqt_dV5w0.

    Seriously, I would recommend a crossfit gym — a good one is very, very good at generating intense workouts while working around injuries. In fact, one of our coaches just had to have his knee scoped, and he was back out there like days later, adjusting the various exercises to focus more on upper body and core, or doing one-legged squats, or whatever.

    [Note: a personal trainer should also be able to do that, but I find they generally focus on “traditional” weightlifting or PT-type exercises, which I find boring and which don’t get the heartrate up).

  8. Any suggestions for serious exercise that doesn’t involve using her knee?

    Probably not something available in your area but kayaking?

  9. Doesn’t sound too fun for that engineer whose publication started all of this.

    They talk about the layover test – would you like to be stuck with that person on a layover. She doesn’t seem like a barrel of laughs.

  10. Probably not something available in your area but kayaking?

    Awesome idea. It will be available when we are on vacation next month and she and her sister like it.

  11. “board member David Bonderman said adding more women to the board meant more talking.”

    Oh, that’s funny. IME, there is nothing that leads to more useless talking than a roomful of men all trying to prove who has the biggest, um, ego. Why, I was stuck in a meeting just like that yesterday, which went on for 30 minutes longer than it had to as they all underscored the critical importance of their own ideas.

  12. “They talk about the layover test – would you like to be stuck with that person on a layover. She doesn’t seem like a barrel of laughs.”

    I think we have a really different idea of who from this Uber mess would be “fun” to hang out with.

  13. Lark,

    On the other hand, I also hate those who ruin a good thing by taking it to an extreme. Like if you have a generous expense policy and then someone spends $1000 on scotch and massages and the party comes to end.

  14. Umm, yeah. Ivy +1.

    Of course, there’s nothing more likely to suck the fun out of you than being treated like a know-nothing whiny bitch day in, day out.

  15. They talk about the layover test – would you like to be stuck with that person on a layover. She doesn’t seem like a barrel of laughs.

    Yes, that’s what is relevant in making hiring decisions. So basically, no women, and no men of any other unfun culture.

  16. “Wondering though if in other situations this would pass as a remark in poor taste.”

    Or maybe in other situations it would simply be a funny remark. Can any of you imagine yourself in a social situation with both men and women where someone would say this and then everyone would laugh and someone else would come up with a jab to men. Maybe this doesn’t happen in your lives or maybe when it does you think it’s in poor taste.

    I get that in this environment and with the discrimination against women (real or perceived) this kind of remark would be unwise in a business environment.

  17. “Can any of you imagine yourself in a social situation with both men and women ”

    Including a business situation where you’re with colleagues sitting at the bar during a conference. I think most would consider this inappropriate or worse, and some would consider this friendly banter. I’ve found these kinds of situations where some think the “fun is sucked out” of work environment can have a negative effect on the careers of females.

  18. Pseudonym – does she like swimming? I note you said she has trouble w/ it, b/c of her knee, but if she likes it, a relatively easy fix is a “pull buoy” — 2 attached floats that go b/w your knees so your legs don’t move while you swim. I’ve done thousands of laps w/ those guys after various knee surgeries. All the endorphins, none of the knee pain. We also had a swimming erg at my university (you like on your stomach and pull the paddles at a resistance level you set). That might be a little extreme, but maybe something available if there’s a local swim team around. (??) Love the kayaking idea, too. Also, if the doc says biking is good for her but she just doesn’t like the set up of stationary one, my under-desk bike is a great compromise – should be still available on Amazon for about $100. Good luck to her. It’s really tough for an active endorphin-addicted person to be sidelined for so long. Ask me how I know. :)

  19. The Uber CEO sounds like an *ss. Would you really want to work with someone who calls their company “boober” because of all the women he attracts because of the company?

  20. @July: Oh, don’t get me wrong, I hear stuff like that all the time (I do play golf, remember). I just don’t think it’s funny — not in the “oh you sexist pig” way, but more in the eye-roll “that’s really the best you can do?” way. It’s like making a joke about how men are incapable of changing a diaper, or how my grandpa could burn water. Hah hah.

    But you learn to go along — I would never call a client out on something like that, or look disgruntled or anything. You just laugh and change the subject. If it’s a coworker or friend who I know well, I’ll do like a “dude, what, did you just arrive from 1952?”

    I will say the problem I have with the “let’s police what everyone says” movement is that all it does is shut down any kind of real discussion. I mean, if this guy doesn’t actually think women add value to the Board, you know he is still going to be mentally rolling his eyes at whatever the women on the Board say — he just now knows better than to say it out loud. Better to engage on the substance with facts/data, e.g., the research showing more diverse groups tend to make better decisions, than jump down someone’s throat.

  21. Would you really want to work with someone who calls their company “boober” because of all the women he attracts because of the company?

    It would be odd if he didn’t think it. Is the primary objection that he said it out loud?

  22. (I know there is a political thread for the week where I’ll post any additional comments).

    The shooting at/of congressmen at a park in Alexandria, VA this morning (they were practicing baseball) is very bothersome to me.

  23. Thanks for the pool suggestions.

    Good luck to her. It’s really tough for an active endorphin-addicted person to be sidelined for so long. Ask me how I know. :)

    Tell me about it. This past semester, if she called to talk before practice, life was awful, classes were awful, food was awful, weather was awful. After practice, she could do anything, those three tests the next day were going to be just fine, her roommate was wonderful.

  24. Rhett, Louise’s post referred to the problem of sexism there. It iis not fun to be pushed out and demeaned. Unless you are one of the a-holes who enjoys watching other people squirm when they are hurt.

  25. “I mean I get it, I do. Uber needs to transition into a big company run by adults. On the other hand, I hate seeing the fun sucked out of yet another thing by prissy blue-noses.”

    I don’t think you really do get it, Rhett. Do I think the board member needed to resign, no. But was his comment exactly the wrong thing to say in that moment, and his lack of awareness of that fact part of the ongoing problems at Uber – yes, yes it was.

  26. I see everyone else best me to the “fun for who” comment, many in much better, funnier ways. LfB makes a good point about the need to actually work this stuff through instead of immediately battening the hatches. But I’m not sure the “Boober@ comment helps move anything along. I would want to be stuck on a layover/in an elevator/on a long car ride with a guy like that only if he’d be willing to have a decent conversation about how he thinks that’s funny and how it connects to anything else he says about women.

  27. But was his comment exactly the wrong thing to say in that moment,

    That’s what I mean by “adults.” An adult, no matter how much he might think it, knows better than to say it out loud.

  28. What’s the best part of being a billionaire?

    “Adult”: It puts me in a position to give back to my community and help make the world a better place.
    Reality: I get laid a lot.

  29. @Rhett: Right. I honestly don’t care whether someone is a horn dog in his personal life. The problem is when he can’t distinguish between the women who work for his company and the hot chicks he wants to score with. You gotta see women as assets to your company and not just as the sum total of their assets.

  30. Apparently the shooter volunteered for Sanders’ campaign and has a history of domestic violence. Sanders has already made a “violence is not the answer” “thought and prayers” statement.

  31. Rhett, having people know what to say vs what thoughts to keep to themselves is not the end goal. There are some people who say all the right things, but whose actions and comments reveal that they see people in non-equal categories. Otoh, some people are free with commenting on the way things work, all sorts of bigotry included, in ways that you might think are “not adult” because they want to cut against that.

  32. “Apparently the shooter volunteered for Sanders’ campaign and has a history of domestic violence.” Well that read oddly. Two random facts, not related in anyway.

  33. @Fred – I am stunned about the shooting as well. BIL was there & is at the hospital with one of his colleagues who was among those shot. So sad and wrong.

  34. Two random facts, not related in anyway.

    It’s related in that it indicates a history or anger management issues resulting in violence.

  35. I thought I might come by to say ‘hi,’ and, if Risley is around, ask if she and her DD happened to watch the latest episode of “Counting On” (Duggars) featuring 18-year-old Joy Anna’s wedding.

    There are a lot of tabloid rumors that this was a shotgun wedding of sorts.

  36. Pseudonym, when I tore my ACL, I started using the machine at the gym that I refer to as the “arm bike.” Not sure what it’s really called but it is like pedaling motion for your arms and you can vary the resistance as you would on a stationary bike. It’s pretty good cardio if you do it for a while. Not all gyms have them, but if she is seeing a physical therapist, they might have one she can use. I seem to recall I could also pedal slowly on a recumbent stationary bike, but I couldn’t really get my heart rate up enough doing that. That and walking were all I could do until given the green light after surgery. I feel for her. It’s tough on an active person to be grounded that way. Could she swim with a hip float or leg buoy?

  37. Yes – I meant those two facts are not related to each other. Thanks LfB.

    Milo – I haven’t had a Duggar update in a while, thanks for dropping in!

  38. Hi Milo! Glad to see you are here. I was just posting to ask if you had been around lately. Hope you are well.

    I agree that the shooting is awful and tragic.

  39. Milo – we did not, and now DD is away for the summer. But I shall watch it! Am sidelined for a while and am desperately seeking things to occupy my time. For some reason, the documentary choices on Netflix seem quite lame right now. And of course I’m already caught up on Bravo. Thanks for the tip! And nice to see you again!

  40. “I haven’t had a Duggar update in a while”

    Nor, I, to be honest. And DW and I are working through House of Cards (and Fargo, but that’s only weekly), but last night it felt too late to start another HoC, and I saw a new Counting On pop up on the DVR list.

    Last season left off with them announcing some sort of courtship or contemplation of a courtship for the 17/18 yo Joy to this guy, Austin Martyn (lol!) Forsyth, a 22-year-old who hails from the Ozarks and whose family operates some sort of Western-themed Christian family retreat camp in the mountains. Incidentally, the Forsyths have also been featured on a limited-run reality show, “Worlds Strictest Parents” about seven years ago.

    But there was something about the way Austin and Joy came across in their on-screen interviews in the show last night — and DW was the first to notice it — that sent me to Googling. They look at each other a little bit differently than the previous betrothed Duggar couples, like they’ve already sampled the dessert. At one point, they’re talking to the camera in an approved side embrace, and she rests her hand on his lower abdomen. Noticeably absent from all the clichéd Duggar discussions was the excessive talk about the first kiss and so forth.

    As it turns out, there’s been a lot of tabloid speculation about why the wedding date was suddenly and inexplicably advanced by about six months, including one anonymous source alleging a pregnancy “scare” that did not ultimately materialize. Of course, with the schedule change, the producers were denied the usual multi-episode buildup to the wedding: torturous conversations with Jim Bob, proposal of courtship, chaperoned dates, elaborate engagement proposal, discussions of future living arrangements, wedding planning, showers, etc. It was just Season Premiere, Wham! Bam! Joy Anna’s getting married. Here she is. Here he is. Let’s go.

    Needless to say, we were more than a little shocked.

  41. Pseudo, another option for your DD is circuit training, working around her injury. A lot of guys pretty much ignore their legs anyway.

    Or she could try doing stuff with wheelchair athletes, e.g., wheelchair basketball.

  42. Risley – Grantchester is resuming on Masterpiece. You may still be able to stream Poldark free there as well.

  43. “Am sidelined for a while and am desperately seeking things to occupy my time. For some reason, the documentary choices on Netflix… ”

    House of Cards?

  44. Milo! Hi! Channeling you, I would say to Rhett, that Mercedes is very nice, but people like us don’t drive Mercedes. ;)

    I also thought of the Infiniti but their smallest sedan looks bigger than it used to be.

  45. Pseudo, are there climbing gyms near you? It isn’t really cardio, but does really engage upper body, and using just three limbs would up the challenge. Is horse-back riding a possibility? Also, does the kid really need x-r-size, or would an occasional rollercoaster or zip line help?

  46. Is House of Cards a little dark? I thought I heard this, so have been avoiding it. Ditto The Wire, Better Call Saul and the other famous one about the teacher who sells drugs

  47. Risley, we’ve just binge-watched the whole first four seasons of Brooklyn 99, loved it.

  48. Ris – Chef’s Table on Netflix is entertaining. Keepers is good, too, but dark.

    Welcome back Milo!

  49. “Is House of Cards a little dark?”

    A little dark? There are times it’s made me wonder if the TV is working correctly, or if the show has been filmed in black and white!

    There are different ways to look at it. Kevin Spacey and Robin Wright are antiheroes who are the quintessential ruthless politicians who care for absolutely nothing other than their own power. They don’t even care about any policies; they have no real ideology, so much so that the party affiliation with which they’re written is entirely meaningless and could be interchangeable.

    On the other hand, different characters come and go, and most of them are better people with more nuance (long-serving chief of staff being a notable exception). Yet somehow you end up rooting for Frank and Claire because you’re so thrilled by the ease and expertise with which they manipulate others, and the voters, to advance their own ambitions. Of course, it’s fantastical, and gets a little more so with each passing season. But it’s fun.

  50. L –
    the Infiniti Q50 looks to be ~5-10% bigger than your current car in all dimensions exterior height, width, length and interior leg, shoulder, head room.
    I’ve the even larger sedan for ~15months and really like it.

  51. Thanks all! I guess I should look at dimensions. I like how easy this car is to park, like when I have to street park in Cambridge or Boston. I will put the IS and the ILX on my list too.

  52. “Hi! Channeling you, I would say to Rhett, that Mercedes is very nice, but people like us don’t drive Mercedes”

    yeah, the car subthread discussion is way over my budget.

  53. Milo! Nice to hear from you. Rhett was almost frugal just now, in yesterday’s thread, and it brought everyone to talking about the Milo shaped hole in the tote bag.

    On a group wide email, someone recently made a remark about testosterone and people needing to call in sick more often. I think he was trying to make a joke that men are all sissies. It wasn’t entirely clear, and there may have been some ESL issue. Anyway, it was entirely inappropriate, but as the person who made the comment is someone who is a respected colleague and who has never treated me with anything other than appropriate professional behavior, I let it go. And after a little mumbling, so did everyone else. But it wasn’t the flipping Uber board meeting

  54. Amazon Prime membership gets you free streaming of all sorts of good stuff – The Americas, and PBS shows like Endeavor. If you like Grantchester, you’ll like Endeavor.

  55. “Anyway, it was entirely inappropriate, but as the person who made the comment is someone who is a respected colleague and who has never treated me with anything other than appropriate professional behavior, I let it go. And after a little mumbling, so did everyone else. But it wasn’t the flipping Uber board meeting”

    Yeah, I tend to agree with this and with July. I will give people a pass in lots of situations, especially with things on the edge. I will give the benefit of the doubt, and I don’t think there is value in being overly sensitive/shutting down dialogue. But this was an Uber board meeting to discuss how to change the culture of sexism. I MEAN COME ON! And no – the problem isn’t just that he “said it out loud”.

    FWIW, I did delete Uber from my phones when the first exposes about the bro culture started to come out and now exclusively use Lyft and Curb (for taxis). I don’t want to give Uber a penny more of my money, and there are plenty of viable alternatives. Lyft is just as good, and most of the drivers do both anyway. (and reports from the drivers I’ve asked are that Lyft is far preferable for them as a pseudo-employer)

  56. Welcome back Milo!! We missed you!

    Can’t remember who is all caught up on The Americans, but I finished the last two episodes this week (DH has dropped out so I had to wait until he was away) and, without spoilers, well, not sure what to think. It felt like they needed another episode to develop some hanging plot lines, especially with no resolution to the “Where’s Henry?” meme of the season.

    Risley, DH and two of the boys LOVED The Wire, and now I’m hooked. I tried watching the first episode years ago, but could not figure out what was going on and was put off by what seemed over-usage of the F word. Well, now there are recap blogs, so whatever I can’t figure out is all laid out by a very kind gentlemen from NJ. Can’t watch it with my Dad (The Americans also fails the “can I watch it with Dad?” test), but the writing and acting is so far beyond most other shows that I really look forward to tuning in. Homicide: Life on the Street, which was also one of my faves even though it’s about, well, homicides, is an earlier show by the creator of The Wire.

    My Dad got me to watch a few episodes of The Blacklist, and I love James Spader in the main role, but the supporting cast is just not at the same level.

  57. Milo — Great to hear from you!

    L – Re. your desire to travel (continuing yesterday’s discussion): Now that your kids are getting older, could you plan a few one-on-one trips with them? Maybe say that when each of them turns 10 (or whatever), you will take that one child for a week-long trip with you to England (or wherever). That way, you get to travel, you get to have a special experience with each kid, and your DH gets to stay home, as is his preference. Might that work?

  58. I so appreciate all these ideas- thank you! Will check out A Prime and the others you’ve all mentioned.

    I’m making a valiant effort to read more than I watch but I don’t always have the concentration for written words.

  59. NoB – maybe. Although I’m not sure DH would survive with the other kids for a week! ;)

  60. @Scarlett – I thought the season finale to The Americans just felt like a regular episode vs. being a real season closer. Not very satisfying. I have so many mixed feelings about what I want to happen to the characters – I am so sad for Paige & Henry that they are roped into this mess, and then there is the secretary in Russia.

    I really liked reading this series where the guy who wrote Gang Leader for a Day watched The Wire with actual gang members. Yes, they call it “watching with thugs” and not all of it is very politically correct. And there are spoilers if you haven’t watched all 5 seasons.
    http://freakonomics.com/tag/the-wire/

  61. Risley – You alluded to Breaking Bad earlier (teacher turned meth dealer). That show is so dark and depressing, especially about 30-40% of the way through the story, that I had to abandon it for about six months. But after I came back, it turned out to be one of the best, if not *the* best, shows I’ve ever seen.

    It’s not the violence that got me but the fights he had with his wife.

  62. You’re all awesome.

    Yeah, Breaking Bad. So many shows that have received a ton of acclaim seem dark. I just can’t take those kinds of shows. I wish I could.

    I’m going to make a list of everything you’ve all suggested today.

  63. Risley – On the other end of the spectrum, if you want a Hallmark/ Little House on the Prairie type show for adults, try When Calls the Heart.

  64. Have you watched Big Little Lies? It has some scenes that are hard to watch, but it isn’t dark like Breaking Bad and the Wire.

  65. Hi Milo! Stick around!

    Some of the comments here often remind me how fit many of you are. I’m at such a lower level of strength and stamina, but still trying to stay fit even though I’m more of a potato chip junkie than an endorphin junkie!

    Any opinions on this Simply Fit Board? It was a Shark Tank product and it caught my eye for improving core strength and maybe whittling down the waist a little. It can, in theory, be done while watching TV.

    https://www.amazon.com/Simply-Fit-Board-Workout-Balance/dp/B01M10NRRM

  66. Hi Milo. I’m loving the RAV4. DH is loving the Miata. And we finally had to turn on the AC this week. Best to you and yours.

    Serious question for the hivemind (especially Ada). Has anyone dealt with lyme disease or other tick borne diseases? Zazu, 5 and not yet 40 lbs, is being evaluated (real symptoms including circular rash on scalp after frequent play in the woods – not alarmist concern by parents). The problem seems to be that even if the titer is negative, they have to determine whether to treat with heavy antibiotics anyway.

  67. @L: OK, so if I had bought a *reasonable* car, my next car was going to be the Alfa Romeo Giulia. Love love love. Small enough that I felt comfortable maneuvering it (felt oh-so-slightly smaller than my TL, in a good way), very zippy and responsive feel. I also liked the interior look/feel of the small Infiniti sedan, whatever it is called — I saw the “Red” version — but never got around to driving it because, well, Giulia.

    I did also look at the small Lexus sedan, but they had the single-worst design flaw I have ever seen: the central console was so wide that it protruded out into my right calf and actually interfered with my ability to use the gas pedal comfortably.

    Alas, all of these are running close to $50K now — it was soooo depressing to see what small/nimble/decent 4-door sedans run nowadays.

  68. Risley – I liked Father Brown on Netflix.

    Welcome back Milo ! I missed your going away announcement and all this while I pictured you sailing your boat in a sun filled harbor.

  69. Kerri,
    I loved listening to Big Little Lies. Just finishing listening to The Husband’s Secret by the same author with the same wonderful narrator. Have not taken the plunge with Audible but instead get on the long wait list for the audiobooks from the library.

    Although I thought that the casting of Madeleine and Celeste in the HBO series was perfect, overall the show was a disappointment. Moving it to CA and making everyone uber-rich changed everything too much. And where were the Blonde Bobs????

  70. “The problem seems to be that even if the titer is negative, they have to determine whether to treat with heavy antibiotics anyway.”

    I would go for antibiotics. Just this weekend our very experienced hike leader stressed that If you get a bite treat it right away. I have several relatives who’ve had Lyme. One who did not receive aggressive treatment is now suffering with chronic effects, including cognition issues. Also, from what she says there is considerable disagreement among doctors and insurers about appropriate treatment.

  71. So many shows that have received a ton of acclaim seem dark. I just can’t take those kinds of shows.

    I totally agree. They have their place but most of the time, at the end of the day, I just want something mindless and fun. If I’ve had a bad day I don’t want to watch a show about people having a worse day than I am.

  72. Meme – a child in my middle child’s preschool class was just diagnosed with it. Bull’s eye rash and they had saved the tick to be tested. They are doing a month long course of amoxicillin (child is 5). Dad is a dentist and wanted to hold off on doxycycline but they plan to do that if amox doesn’t work.

  73. Hi, everyone.

    ” I’m loving the RAV4. DH is loving the Miata. And we finally had to turn on the AC this week.”

    Alright, alright. I’ll give you an update that will blow you the fu(k away.

    In about one week’s time, someone is coming to my house to install a brand new, 42dBA Bosch dishwasher from Lowe’s. (I know, I know, I’m sure it’s just the big-box-store version. It’s the 300 series, iirc.) But a week or so ago, DW and I discovered water on the kitchen floor after running the dishwasher, and we just decided that it was enough.

    I was originally looking at KitchenAid, because it seems more like real American, but CR and the guy at Lowe’s both said that Bosch was really good and the most reliable, and this compared favorably with the KA in terms of features, noise, and price. I went to Lowe’s because they recently extended their 10% military discount to include all veterans, not just the usual active/retired. And Bosch was offering a rebate on any installation costs, so I’ll get that portion refunded.

  74. “I don’t want to watch a show about people having a worse day than I am.”

    But that’s the very reason I enjoy some of these reality shows. By comparison my life is problem-free.

  75. Meme,

    No personal experience with Lyme, but a friend’s daughter and her husband, both in their late 20’s, contracted Lyme and it was a nightmare. The antibiotic treatment her daughter underwent was like chemo — the couple and their three little kids had to move back home with mom and dad. It took several years, but now they are doing very well.

    My takeaway was that you have to be extremely vigilant about finding the right doctor to handle the diagnosis and treatment process. It’s a very niche medical speciality now, and not all doctors are familiar with the latest treatment developments.

  76. Scarlett – Not really a Nicole Kidman fan and don’t have HBO so I haven’t seen the Big Little ies show. I can’t see TV doing the book justice. Thanks for the other recommendation – definitely will add that to my list.

    Risley – somewhere between When Calls the Heart and Breaking Bad is Longmire on Netflix. Sherriff in Colorado type area, small town near a reservation. Lou Diamond Phillips is in it. I’ve always liked him.

    (I was really sick twice in the past year or so and spent a lot of time watching Netflix, PBS and Amazon.)

  77. Milo – glad you’re still here! We have not watched Duggars in a while but I’m definitely going to look for that. I am interested to see how jinger is surviving away from the clan.

  78. @Milo – congrats on the new dishwasher (to be)! You will love it. Bosch isn’t that snobby anyway, is it? My IL’s have one. Rhett can tell us what the real elites have. :)

    “So many shows that have received a ton of acclaim seem dark. I just can’t take those kinds of shows.”

    This is how I feel about The Handmaid’s Tale. I’ve been watching it slowly, but man it is not something that I really look forward to putting on with a drink to unwind on the weekend, you know? And also about a lot of critically acclaimed movies. I just can’t do it. DH has been nagging me to watch Moonlight and Manchester by the Sea, but I would just rather not. The Americans, Fargo and Better Call Saul have enough action or dark comedy to be interesting vs just depressing/dark. Breaking Bad did too – but only once I got past some really dark and depressing episodes in the early run where I swore off the show. (the epsiode that made me leave the show temporarily was called “peekaboo”)

  79. I hope you like the dishwasher. The lack of a supplemental heating element in European style dishwashers is a feature or a bug, depending on your point of view.

  80. “we’re happy with our Bosch dw”

    If you read dw as “dear wife” as I did, this is our future. We’ll be able to order up a dw or dh to join our mult-partner marriages of the future!

  81. Risley, the one I suggested might look like a cop show, but it isn’t really. It is not dark, and is often funny, but not in a sitcom kind of way.

  82. I’ll give you an update that will blow you the fu(k away.

    I think that falls under your zero tolerance policy toward systems not working properly.

  83. Meme, what? European washing machines have heating elements US machines do t have. Is it the opposite with dishwashers?

  84. Manchester By the Sea – saw that on my flight home from Europe. I was bawling, tears streaming down my cheeks, with my headphones on, when the stewardess asked me my dinner choice. She graciously ignored my tears.

  85. Manchester by the Sea is just. so. sad. And maybe a little bit redemptive, but partly not, which is probably realistic. Although I always love movies and shows that really capitalize on interesting locations and settings (i.e., beyond NYC, Chicago, and upper-middle-class California suburbs).

    Fargo is fun. I don’t really find it depressing. They always have a fascinating villain, perhaps in the same style as James Spader/Blacklist. The British guy with the disgusting teeth in Season 3 does not disappoint.

  86. Alas, all of these are running close to $50K now — it was soooo depressing to see what small/nimble/decent 4-door sedans run nowadays.

    We have very different definitions of “decent” :) I consider a corolla or civic to be a “decent” care (although obviously not nimble).

  87. Meme – they have the best hospitals in the world including Children’s.
    Some days especially with my one kid’s case I wish we were back in Boston.

  88. Milo, why do you think Bosch is such a snobbish brand? We’ve had one for years, I think it was maybe $100 more than a Kitchen Aid or similar brand.

  89. European style dishwashers don’t blow hot air on the dishes at the end. They are metal lined and the residual heat in the walls and the dishes is supposed to evaporate all the water. that is part of why they take so long to complete the cycle. A well filled dishwasher with lots of china glass and metal will produce overall drier dishes than a skimpy load with the top rack full of rubbermaid containers. Of course, all food is supposed to be stored in glass containers with lids nowadays ;). They have heating elements to heat the water up hotter than it comes out of the tap, of course. That is what I think you are referring to, SM.

  90. On the Americans, I liked that it had a simple low-key finale. I’m tired of every show ending with a cliffhanger of some sort or some big finale. I enjoyed this season more than most people seemed to.

  91. The blood work is coming back Friday. They are used to seeing this in her wooded zip code. The treatment if indicated is well within the window of time for complete eradication and recovery. Just worrisome.

  92. “We have very different definitions of “decent” :) I consider a corolla or civic to be a “decent” care (although obviously not nimble).”

    Yeah, you got me, DD. :-) But remember, I resigned my MC card two weeks ago.

  93. “The lack of a supplemental heating element ”

    hmmm. obviously dw and I didn’t shop as carefully as we might have, even though the whole process took several hours, with me at the store texting pictures back and forth and her at home researching online.

    So we never used the heated dry function on our previous dishwashers because it just seemed like such a waste of energy — particularly in summer — but we did always keep it set to extra hot wash, or whatever it’s called, which presumably uses the heating element as you indicated. I didn’t consider the fact that this might no longer be an option. But in any event, I like to keep the water heater set to pretty damn hot, perhaps a little scalding, just because, as Rhett said, I like systems working and I feel like hot water is part of that, so we should be fine either way. You would burn yourself if you washed your hands under the un-tempered hot water. Likewise, I’m just slightly skeeved out at in laws’ house when the hottest I can get the water in the sink or shower feels, to me, just a bit above lukewarm. Feels like Legionnaires setting in.

  94. Traditional men’s cotton dress shirts. If you wear them frequently, daily as I do, what brand(s) do you like / buy most often (or like/buy for the male in your life)? I send them to the cleaners, so they do not need to be non-iron, the price differential of which seems to have disappeared. Right now the shirts I have / wear the most often are from Jos A Bank and Paul Fredrick. I used to wear Brooks Brothers a long while ago and I’m thinking of trying them again since their sale is going on. I’ve seen Nordstrom shirts online and would consider those.

  95. “Bosch isn’t that snobby anyway, is it?”

    How snobby is anything bought at Lowe’s?

  96. Meme – yes, I would go for the antibiotics in any case. We had to get the prophylactic doxycycline dose for DH a few weeks ago when he had a tick bite – I didn’t catch it until the following day.

  97. And ITA about dark/depressing shows. Current annoyance is about “The Flash.” I mean, if you are watching a show called “The Flash,” what, exactly, are you looking to get out of it? I’m going with “lighthearted escapist fun.” And yet this whooooooole season has been about “the love of his life is going to get killed, and there’s nothing he can do about it.” $%!$!&*. If I wanted Serious Drama and Angst, I’d go watch a *real* TV show that, oh IDK, maybe didn’t come straight from a comic book.

    Fargo, OTOH, is brilliant — I have been saving this season, but I pretty much binged the last one. Funny-dark vs. self-serious dark.

  98. “Milo, why do you think Bosch is such a snobbish brand?”

    I thought I had seen one too many references of that brand in the high-end kitchens, like Subzero. Which is fine, but that kind of thing is not for people like us. But I’m willing to give it a try if their line includes a lower end version that is still supposedly a great product for this good price through a store like Lowe’s.

  99. ” I’ve seen Nordstrom shirts online and would consider those.”

    @Fred – DH has a lot of the Nordstrom brand shirts. They tend to go on sale during either their half-yearly sales or the anniversary sale (in late July/early Aug). They fit well, hold up well, have decent variety between the staples and the seasonal patterns/colors, and there are a variety of fits as well. The ones at Nordstrom Rack are specially made for the outlet and not as nice.

  100. Meme – Lyme disease – I’d check out the CDC website (https://www.cdc.gov/lyme/index.html) first. CDC lays out the current “standard of care” treatment. Then there are some “alternative” treatments (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4490322/). I have heard many sides – the standard of care worked to the standard of care didn’t work, but the alternative did to nothing worked. I would check with your state medical board about whether the doctor (specialist) treating lyme disease has had any disciplinary action against them. In some states much of the treatment of lyme disease is considered alternative medicine. Best of luck for a speedy recovery.

  101. Risley, DH and I are enjoying watching Halt and Catch Fire. We were DINKS in the early 80s and they recreate the time period (early computer age) quite well.

  102. RIsley – Damages. I’ll say it again. Damages – Glenn Close and Rose Byrne – so juicy. Several seasons. Hope you are back on your feet soon!

  103. “But I’m willing to give it a try if their line includes a lower end version that is still supposedly a great product for this good price through a store like Lowe’s.”
    Keep us posted because I really hate my 10 year old high end Kitchenaid that has never gotten anything very clean and I would love to replace it via Lowes.

  104. FIL maintains a steady supply of about a dozen dress shirts from Nordstrom for work or any other event that requires it. All white. No color. No stripes. Same collar.

    He is a man of “leisurely proportions.” I think he just decided that these are comfortable, fit well, look good, and have an ideal cost-to-durability ratio.

    “Keep us posted ”

    K.

  105. If you’re willing to spend a couple bucks on a few extra networks (I get mine through Roku), Acorn is great. British shows, including tons of not-dark British documentaries about castles and Roman ruins and other stuff that is never depressing. Also lots of British mysteries. Have you tried the Doctor Blake Mysteries? Set in Australia. Not nearly as depressing as Endeavour, but not twee like a lot of cozy mysteries. Also give Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries a try. I could watch that with the sound off because the costumes are so fabulous. I love Essie Davis.

    Another interesting channel is Filmstruck. Go take a look at the listings. Very offbeat, lots of foreign stuff, and the entire Criterion Collection (although talk about depressing! Tons of very depressing Japanese movies.) I’ve watched a couple of Spanish films that were fascinating. They have odd categories like “Mental Illness in Movies”, “Women of Substance”, etc.

  106. We have a Bosch from Lowe’s at the beach and it’s perfect. I like it much more than the Jenn Air one I have at home (but the Jenn Air was free with the range, so there’s that).

  107. Risley – The TV show Community was good to stream one after the other. A few left me breathless I was laughing so hard. Some were just not that funny. Overall though definitely high quality, lighter fare.

  108. Escape to the Countryside – house hunters but in the British countryside. Lovely

  109. Also on Netflix and not depressing:

    Murder in Paradise (trends twee, but charming)

    Shetland (great scenery, good detective, a little bit grim but never really dark)

    The new Mystery Science Theater 3000! You ARE watching that, right?

    Archer (of course)

    On Hulu, I like Speechless and Modern Family and all the snippets from the late night talk shows. Youtube also has Stephen Colbert and Seth Meyers. If you don’t care about timeliness, youtube also has a whole lot of Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show episodes without commercials.

  110. DW bought me a few no-iron shirts from Brooks Bros several years ago. I’ve never worn them (almost no occasions calling for such attire), but DS has been using them for his debate tournaments and whenever else he needs to wear a suit, maybe 10-20 times a year, and they’ve held up for that.

    DS and I will both be attending a couple events soon that require us to wear dress shirts, so I may need to get another shirt or two.

  111. And if you watch Murder in Paradise, you will sit there for several episodes going “WHERE do I know the character Dwayne from?” and finally it will dawn on you that he played The Cat on Red Dwarf.

  112. 3:55 was me.

    Risley, another class of entertaining time sinks: K dramas, which are hugely popular here (there’s one on-air station that mostly shows them, and a regular column about them in the local paper). As a bonus, according to DD, watch enough of them and you will learn enough Korean be able to follow parts of them without subtitles.

  113. Finn, our mentor couple from church premarital counseling emailed me from his 50 year reunion at MIT. It made me think of your son in 50+ years, perhaps traveling to Boston to see people he knew in college but hasn’t seen for decades.

  114. So I’m watching Counting On, and Joy’s husband Austin just told his BILs (BsIL, actually) that when he was 17, he asked his dad what his dad wanted Austin to accomplish before his dad would give Austin his blessing to get married. His dad’s answer: flip 5 houses. And he’s done that, at … 21 or so? Man.

  115. DH has the Nordstrom house brand shirts (nice for dressier occasions) and a couple of the LL Bean “stretch oxford” shirts, which don’t wrinkle and have a bit more weight to the fabric.

  116. “His dad’s answer: flip 5 houses”

    LOL! Somehow I missed that.

    We’ve said this before, but “they” (“those sort of people”) are so into independent self-employment. Do anything you can to earn money as long as it doesn’t require a degree or come with a W2. Derrick Dillard, CPA, is the lone exception on the show, and even he quit Walmart and is on-again-off-again missioning and gagging on the side of the road. (Some issue with his gag reflex that occurs while running is becoming a plotline.)

    I could have flipped five houses by 21 if I didn’t go to college. Maybe I should have.

  117. Meme –

    I actually agree with the Anon today (I say “actually” because on the surface is seems a little like crazy talk). Lyme disease sits unfortunately on the corner of Poorly Understood and CrayCray. As a Pro tip, any disease that is frequently treated by people in a cash-only setting is suspect (included: IBS, fibromyalgia, methadone for opioid addiction). Every major city these days has a highly successful cash practice for treating Lyme. That is the only place you can get “chemo-like” treatment for lyme – hospitals and insurers won’t be a part of that racket. Romney actually sent targeted mailers out during the campaign to suggest he would get to the bottom of the neglected epidemic of chronic Lyme. http://www.newyorker.com/news/news-desk/mitt-romney-versus-lyme-disease-and-science. Lyme is a dog whistle of sorts.

    For regular people who have concerning rashes and live in the right region, it’s not such a puzzle. Usually treatment is with well tolerated antibiotics. Doctors may use the term “heavy” to describe the antibiotics to dissuade people who want antibiotics for all tick bites (which statistically will cause more harm than good).

    Untreated lyme can cause long-term damage (just like Syphillis, a bacteria which is related). The damage isn’t fixed with antibiotics, just halted. There is a big window between tick bite and damage, however. Once the bacteria is eradicated (not tricky), then there is no support for doing more.

  118. Second – The Great British Baking Show, Dr. Blake, Ms. Fischer and Dr. Brown. Our PBS just ran a bunch of Grantchester on Sunday. Now that I have seen more that a few snipits, I’m all in on it too. If you haven’t watched it – Call the Midwife. I also enjoyed the Last Tango in Halifax.

  119. “Doctors may use the term “heavy” to describe the antibiotics to dissuade people who want antibiotics for all tick bites (which statistically will cause more harm than good).”

    So if i get a tick bite while in Lyme territory but do not develop the typical rash and have no other obvious symptoms I should not get the antibiotic? But if there is any question (possible typical rash or mild feverish or similar) the antibiotics might be recommended? I suspect I would go for the antibiotics in most cases, but I can see both sides.

    After trying many brands, including Lands End and others but not Nordstroms, I found Brooks Brothers are the only no-iron shirts that are truly no iron or require only minor touch-up ironing. (I iron the collar and front for a more polished look. It takes about 2 minutes per shirt.) Plus they last for years even after weekly use. I agree that no-iron shirts have the benefit of staying more wrinkle free even if you have them professionally laundered. I might try Nordstroms next time they’re on sale, but I see they have a more limited selection than BB for button-down styles in shades of blue.

  120. Thanks all. There isn’t any danger that they will go all crunchy natural and refuse the CDC standard course of antibiotics (5 year olds don’t get the strongest med). DIL is a cancer survivor and the daughter and granddaughter of physicians (DS married up). I suppose there are quack cash Lyme disease practitioners around here, but not on our radar. I am off for another day of babysitting and will report back over the weekend on everything.

  121. WCE,

    If you’re looking for a book – Faster, Higher, Farther is probably one you would enjoy.

  122. As a Pro tip, any disease that is frequently treated by people in a cash-only setting is suspect (included: IBS, fibromyalgia, methadone for opioid addiction).

    Ada – can you expand on this ?
    I just read Medical Medium – Chronic Mystery illness…
    It was strange but the author addressed these same illnesses. The book is interesting.

  123. Louise,

    He’s done this by listening to a divine voice that literally speaks into his ear, telling him what lies at the root of people’s pain or illness, and what they need to do to restore their health….It explores all-natural solutions for dozens of the illnesses that plague us, including Lyme disease, fibromyalgia, adrenal fatigue, chronic fatigue syndrome, hormonal imbalances, Hashimoto’s disease, multiple sclerosis, depression, neurological conditions, chronic inflammation, autoimmune disease, blood-sugar imbalances, colitis and other digestive disorders, and more….

    That guy?

  124. Thanks all! and especially to Scarlett for the handy-dandy shirt comparison tool!

  125. Rhett –
    The very same. Some of the advice on diet made sense but then of course there were other parts of the book that were way out there for me :-).

  126. On the cars, I really like my Acura RDX. I also got the sport version of a Corolla as a rental car a while back. It was great and fun to drive. If I was in the market for a small car, that is what I would get.

  127. So there are syndromes that do not have definitive tests and do not have easy treatments. Chronic Lyme, Fibromyalgia, IBS. A decade or two ago we would have also had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy, Episodic Hypoglycemia. Less common: euthyroid hypothyroidism, interstitial cystitis, cyclic vomiting syndrome. Because there are not accurate tests, these syndromes are often self-diagnosed. These probably represent, some times, with some patients, actual physiologic processes that medical science hasn’t been able to figure out. On the other hand, they also some times (most of the time?) represent people with psychiatric illness manifesting as physical symptoms.

    For example, if you take balloons, place them in someone’s colon (yes, they do this) and figure out what pressure is required to cause pain, there will be a bell-curve of answers. Some people can have a lot of pressure without pain, some people have very little pressure before they have pain. There is a range of normal and there is also a low end to the curve that one could describe as a problem. If the normal pressures in you colon cause you pain, you may have IBS. That kind of makes sense, and we could try to find medications that would help you live a better and more fulfilling life. So, there is physiologic variation and it may be associated with the real experience of disease.

    On the other hand, if you call people at home and ask them detailed questions about their bowel habits and pain associated with digestion, you will get a wide range of answers. From that you can describe a “normal” group and an “abnormal” group and call the latter Irritible Bowel Syndrome. If you also ask these people a whole lot of questions about their mental health, you will find that there is no correlation between the people who have IBS and the crazy people. Still with me? Okay, now you ask the whole group whether they have sought care for their IBS symptoms. It turns out there is good correlation with the people with psychiatric illness seeking care. So, there is variation in bowel habits, people on one end of the curve have “irritable bowels”, people who have “irritable bowels” have average psychiatric health, people who seek care for irritable bowels are more likely to have psychiatric disease. Thus, the common feeling among many physicians that people with IBS are crazy.

    There may actually be a syndrome of chronic Lyme – but no one knows how to check who has it or figure out if they respond to treatment. Many people (but not all) who say they have chronic Lyme may have mental illness. Since there is no recognized criteria for evaluation and treatment, I can take advantage of these people by offering “electrolyte infusions” for $500 a pop, cash only, 4 times per week for 8 weeks. I don’t know what they do at Envita, but the internet tells me it costs $24,000 (no insurance accepted) to cure Lyme disease. https://www.envita.com/conditions/lyme-disease

    So, I am not saying that IBS and Fibromyalgia don’t exist. It’s that we probably don’t diagnose them accurately, don’t treat them effectively, and the vacuum left by the medical establishment means that shady people swoop in and exploit the situation.

  128. Ada, your comment is very consistent with the viewpoint of my friend, a 20+ year fibromyalgia sufferer and biochemist. I wish she could lecture medical students on fibromyalgia.

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