The List

by AustinMom

The Washington Post has compiled its annual list of what is “IN” and “OUT” for 2017. The article also provides a link to lists as far back as 1978.

What do you think of the list? Will you be happy that the “OUT”s are leaving us? Did you see the “In”s coming? Or, did you have look up what some of the items are?

Discuss!

The List 2017

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90 thoughts on “The List

  1. I guess it’ll be good if Cuba is no longer a thing…I’m possibly going there with DS1 in the fall and if it’s no longer “in” maybe it’ll be easier getting there and getting around.

  2. Darn, I shoulda bought Hello Dolly tickets a few months ago! And Rhett is out, so maybe a name change is in order. :D

    Many of these (both years) I didn’t recognize, which doesn’t surprise me.

  3. Bragging about “Hamilton” tickets Bragging about “Hello, Dolly!” tickets

    This reminds me of a discussion here where it was argued that Hamilton was not well known among most Americans.

  4. Oh darn! Just when I “liked” Teen Vogue’s page on FB.
    I had to look up “benching”. Ugh.

  5. I don’t get a lot of those references.

    But I did get Hamilton tickets for Christmas, so I guess I’m just outdated :P

  6. So Papa is now trendy for hipster dads? I guess it goes along with the suspenders and fleabeards. Maybe we should be hipper and use Ma and Pa. Or retreat to icy WASPishness and have our kids refer to us by first name.

  7. My relative posted about attending Hamilton. It had #blessed somewhere in the post. And the picture showed the family all dressed up and ready to attend the show.
    I would say in 2016, the trendy were those who knew about Hamilton.

  8. “So Papa is now trendy for hipster dads?”

    Oh, I totally glossed over that one. But now that you mention it, and I read the link, I have exactly one friend who goes by ‘Papa,’ my Pilates and waterskiing buddy, the anesthesiologist. When I heard his kid use it, I just chalked it up to one of many weird things they do, such as raise chickens alongside their pet pot-bellied pig. I guess I don’t even know hipsters when I see them.

  9. I found it fun to go bacak and look at older lists. I am cluess about some of them (even in the past) and/or don’t quite get if they are supposed to be in the same vein like renewal and retrenchment.

    I always thought what people called their relatives was based more on family history. Friends with Grand-dads tended to have Dads, while friends with Grand-pas or -pops tended to have Papas.

  10. One of the many joys of being my age – I couldn’t care less what is in or out. I just like what I like when I like it.

  11. I play along with a pop culture quiz on the radio every morning. Prime source of my pop culture knowledge.

  12. Moxie, I’m definitely detached as I look at lists like these, like when those rubber band bracelets were a thing for kids in grade school. Oh, so that’s their thing. OK. BTW, do you like Laurie Kilmartin? I emailed her last night and she wrote back!

    Rhett, I think of ghosting is leaving anywhere without saying goodbye, leaving people wondering what happened, if you’ll be back, etc.

    My kid used to call me Mama, but now “Mom” has taken over.

  13. “Mummy” always brings to mind the Johnny Quest episode where they get chased by the same.

  14. “Oh darn! Just when I “liked” Teen Vogue’s page on FB.”

    I think that the fact that any of us here know X immediately disqualifies X from the “in”/”trendy” category. :-) We are not exactly the target market for these trends — the whole point is for the younger generation to develop its own language/references to set themselves apart from old fuddy-duddies like us.

    OTOH, we are the target market for these lists-of-trends, because they allow us to feel like we are “in” on trends that are clearly designed for the not-us crowd.

    “My kid used to call me Mama, but now “Mom” has taken over.”

    I was definitely a little sad when “Mommy” became “Mom.”

  15. ” the fact that any of us here know X immediately disqualifies X from the “in”/”trendy” category. :-)”

    Pahahaha, yes, exactly! But that page has been doing more interesting commentary than I ever would have expected, among the usual.

  16. S&M, I saw that article on Facebook a few weeks ago. It’s hard to tell how much of where women wind up is what they are assigned and how much is what they prefer. I didn’t find the data in the article very compelling.

    My friend’s software engineering/pediatrician couple is illustrative of my opinion of the problem. Pediatrician (she) wanted to cut back to 3/4 time when the kids were young and the response at work was, “Sure”. He wanted to cut back to 4 days/week and the response was “No way”.

    My male OB/GYN specialist, who watched the OB/GYN field transition from predominantly male to predominantly female, observed that when women become a significant minority (>20-25%), they can restructure jobs/work schedules to achieve acceptable/predictable work/family balance, but below 20-25% female, they have to adjust to schedules that have high availability expectations or find another job/field. His is the best explanation I’ve heard.

  17. “One of the many joys of being my age – I couldn’t care less what is in or out.”

    Yes and no. Knowing some of this stuff sometimes helps in relating to young people.

  18. WCE, we’ve had this discussion before. Some positions don’t lend themselves to part time work, especially when the employer wants full-time coverage/production.

    It’s easy for an MD to cut back because she can cut her hours and cut her salary accordingly. If the practice needs full-time coverage, they can probably find someone part time to fill in the gap. And the nature of work makes if fairly easy to coordinate things.

    In engineering, if they let someone drop to 4 days a week, they are probably going to have a very hard time finding someone to work part-time to cover the other day, and the nature of the work probably makes it more difficult to coordinate two people covering one FTE.

  19. To what degree do male engineers know that the administrative tasks are a dead end and do the absolute minimum (if not less) while female engineers just do what they are told to the best of their ability?

    Sort of like the male management consultants just snuck out while the females asked permission.

  20. Women smart, organized, and motivated enough to get engineering degrees don’t know admin tasks are a dead end? What? And if they didn’t know that, why would they leave the field after being given such tasks several times?

  21. Women smart, organized, and motivated enough to get engineering degrees don’t know admin tasks are a dead end? What?

    Smart, organized and motivated management consultants don’t know you can just sneak out?

  22. I think women know the tasks are a dead end, but women are much more compliant and willing to do what they are supposed to. At least in my organization, part of success is knowing what has to be done well and what can be done poorly, and no one tells you that. My female friends who have left engineering have left in part because they don’t like having to be “strategically lazy”.

  23. Rhett, sometimes people react differently to a man or a woman doing the same thing. If a man ducks out of scheduling a meeting room or copying something when the department secretary is out sick or buying the cake for the office party, it’s hardly even noticeable, because it’s not his job in the first place and he’s probably doing something more important. If a woman avoids those same things, she’s not a team player, she thinks she’s too good for the task, and it will be noticed.

  24. Denver Dad, you are at least partly right, but in my sister’s company and one brother’s company, there are “mommy track departments” where female engineers (and some male engineers) with family obligations tend to work, because the hours and travel are predictable and largely controllable. My company and the other brother’s company (defense contractor) have chosen to lay people off rather than create areas staffed by people perceived to have less flexibility/commitment.

  25. Rhett, sometimes people react differently to a man or a woman doing the same thing.

    That’s a very valid point. However, it could be true that a guy needs to put the proverbial new cover sheets on the TPS reports 80% of the time and a women, to be thought the same, needs to do it 90% of the time. But, that doesn’t rule out the possibility that doing 99.9% of the time is overkill.

  26. I am dealing with this in my new position. Till I get established I need to make a mark, yet sneak out when I will be least missed.
    That is an art and science by itself !

  27. Rhett – if I (a woman) disagree with my prior boss, I am not a team player or “rowing in the same direction”. If the guy that replaced me says the exact same thing, the response is “I can see we are going to have healthy debates”. If working mom forgets the important thing for the child at school, there is judgment about the mom from the teacher, other moms, etc. If DH were a widower, the teacher would say “bless his heart, he is trying….”

  28. I once wrote a comment on the TOS about how I had to sneak out by 5:30. I think I wrote something about the walk of shame, so it was picked up by the WSj when they used to reprint some of our comments in the paper edition. One of the editors contacted me to interview me for a story, but I didn’t want to “out” myself.

    I was a master of sneaking out after I had DD, but then we all got moved to the trading floor, and it was very hard to sneak out. After a while, I just didn’t care and I stopped sneaking around.

    I was proud of myself when I heard about the hot broadway show for kids for 2017 is Dear Evan Hansen, and I paid full price for tickets in April. I would love to see Hello Dolly, but I don’t think my daughter would be interested.

    I know many of the references because of the age of my daughter, and because I spend so much time on social media and reading newspapers. I read a bunch of People magazines last week when I got my haircut, and I know a lot of the people in the magazine because of DD.

  29. anon 2:20 +1

    There are so many unwritten rules and comments that still exist for women. No offense to the guys on the Totebag because I happen to think (hope) that most of you would create an even playing field for women in the workplace. I don’t think that some men even realize that some of the comments, or remarks create an unbalanced environment. An example from one of my performance reviews is that I don’t smile enough.

  30. @Louise – I was approached about what could be a pretty interesting opportunity, but I am really torn because I have built up so much equity here. My job isn’t really flexible exactly – it is quite cyclical so heavy periods with almost no flexibility followed by lighter times. But I have worked my way into a balance that works okay for me most of the time. The thought of starting over and having to figure it all out and put in my time again just sounds exhausting. But I worry that I am too young to settle in the march to retirement too.

  31. “I worry that I am too young to settle in the march to retirement too.”

    I feel that way also, and I’m pretty sure I’m at least a decade older than you are. I can appreciate your feelings of having to learn how a new place works, but my advice would be to at least consider the opportunity even if all you use it for is interviewing practice.

  32. The thought of starting over and having to figure it all out and put in my time again just sounds exhausting.

    Do you want to be a superager or do you want a slow slide into dementia?

  33. “at least consider the opportunity even if all you use it for is interviewing practice.”

    Yeah, that’s what I’m doing. We’ll see – in the end maybe I’ll fall in love with the opportunity and then not even get an offer. In fairness, I just started a new position (promotion) within my own company less than a year ago. So I’m not quite sliding into dementia yet. ;) But I do feel like the older I get, the harder it will be to make moves, especially if I stay in one place too long. (I’ve been at my current company over 5 years, less than 10.)

  34. Oh, that’s interesting about aging well.

    You must expend enough effort that you feel some “yuck.”

    I’ll have to keep that in mind.

  35. We changed health insurers this year after many years with the same company, and the process of changing is painful. The employer assured us “if you like your doctor you can keep your doctor”, and it turns out not to be true. Plus the new insurer’s website is slow and keeps crashing, so finding other providers is almost impossible today.

  36. So is the hipster pronunciation of “papa” the standard American one, with the emphasis on the first syllable, or is it the Downton Abbey upper-class British one, with the emphasis on the second syllable?

  37. “If DH were a widower, the teacher would say “bless his heart, he is trying….”’

    Yes, perhaps. But the Mothers would gossip loudly that the father should never have been allowed to keep the child by himself. Isn’t there an aunt or something?

  38. On sexism in engineering workplaces: at my first job in industry, I was extremely fortunate to have a boss who also was a real mentor to me. I was one of 2 women out of about 50 or 60 engineers at that compnay, but he made sure that I always was in on the more technically exciting tasks. Still, I got stuck with a lot of writing and analysis simply because I was good at it.

    Second industry position was where I saw the sexism. Even though I had far more technical knowledge and experience than the other two guys in my group (both 20-somethings), the manager just assumed any older woman had to be a business analyst or support person. He gave me dreadful tasks like wading through existing software to see if any of the reports being generated were actually used, or configuring communication flows in the database, while the 20-something guys got the hot new project. Since I had always gotten the hot new projects at my earlier company, I was flabbergasted. Best part – the hot new project ended up a disaster because the 20-somethings had never written big systems like that before. The manager did the same thing to another woman in our group who was also my age. I got out after 2 years in the place, and she left 6 months later.

    In my current position, I see it too. The chair always gives the secretarial jobs to the women in the department – reformatting the official syllabi, sending reminders to students, figuring out transfer credits. The men never, ever, ever get asked to do that crap. While tenure track I just had to suck it up, but now I push back hard. My favorite tactics are to not see the email telling me to do something secretarial, or to “forget about it”, or do a crappy job.

    There is another pitfall that hits women and minorities in academia, and that is we are endlessly asked to serve on diversity committees, or to go mentor middle schoolers. Often, we feel we should, but in reality, no one cares, and it can be suicidal for tenure trackers. I went to a career workshop for women in CS academia a couple of years ago, and there was a lot of discussion on how to pushback on these requests.

  39. Mooshi, you were patient enough to tolerate secretarial tasks until tenure. I’m not sure how many people are (or should be). Academia and the military seem to have more hierarchical, inflexible structures than where I’ve worked in industry.

  40. PTM, I hope you never heard comments like that one. Unfortunately I know two men that have recently become widowers with young children. I haven’t heard a peep about an aunt or a grandma. It’s been more about how to continue to help with meals and carpools. In one case, it is just a continuation of the community support that was being provided during the treatment.

  41. Well, part of the reason I was patient was that I had spent 2 years in a far more hellish place. One of the issues there was not just sexism, but also ageism which is an enormous problem in engineering and software companies. And I could see the writing on the wall – the ageism was just going to get worse. So it was somewhat easier to bide my time in the tenure process because I knew things there would improve rather than get worse.

  42. “There is another pitfall that hits women and minorities in academia, and that is we are endlessly asked to serve on diversity committees, or to go mentor middle schoolers. Often, we feel we should, but in reality, no one cares, and it can be suicidal for tenure trackers. I went to a career workshop for women in CS academia a couple of years ago, and there was a lot of discussion on how to pushback on these requests.”

    Students should be mentoring the middle school kids. But how can universities possibly staff diversity committees with a bunch of white guys?

  43. “PTM, I hope you never heard comments like that one.”

    Lauren, I had a wonderful support network of friends and family. I’ve posted about that before. Not so much folks in BIGLAW or the Mothers at school.

    I’m enjoying high school because if any ball gets dropped, it’s because the kid isn’t following through. Whew! I seem to be done with the judgmental years (I hope).

  44. We get students involved in some of the middle school outreach, but that takes more work than just doing it ourselves. They are fine as helpers but can’t plan workshops or interact with teachers. At every school I have seen, faculty members, usually the female and minority ones, are heavilly involved in this stuff.

  45. On the superaging article —

    I think that many people, including the author of that article, overestimate the extent to which we can, through sheer force of will, stave off dementia and other age-related ailments:

    “Of course, the big question is: How do you become a superager? Which activities, if any, will increase your chances of remaining mentally sharp into old age? We’re still studying this question, but our best answer at the moment is: work hard at something. Many labs have observed that these critical brain regions increase in activity when people perform difficult tasks, whether the effort is physical or mental. You can therefore help keep these regions thick and healthy through vigorous exercise and bouts of strenuous mental effort. My father-in-law, for example, swims every day and plays tournament bridge.”

    She uses her 85 year old FIL, a retired doctor, as an example. I could point her instead to Sandra Day O’Connor’s late husband, John, who was a top lawyer diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when he was barely 60, and who struggled with the illness for nearly 20 years before his death.

    Correlation, causation. People who work hard at “something” have more functional brains than those who don’t, but perhaps people with more functional brains are, for that reason, in the position to work hard at something.

  46. S&M – that’s amazing that she replied! She’s good stuff. I am green with envy!

  47. “You must expend enough effort that you feel some “yuck.””

    That sounds remarkably similar to MMM telling me, in his most recent post, that I need to regularly be sore in the muscles in order to stay in shape. And he’s right–more push-ups and lunges.

  48. My grandmother, as a high school graduate, was pretty sharp right up until her death at around 88. Most years she prepared their tax returns with a #2 pencil, until my dad (her son-in-law) finally took over with TurboTax. She managed the maze of prescriptions and doctors’ orders for her and my grandfather. But otherwise, she watched a lot of TV, including General Hospital, Days of Our Lives, and Everybody Loves Raymond.

    I think Rhett’s article is probably just another form of Totebaggy guilt-mongering. All the things you’re doing wrong. It’s a modern-day Puritanism.

  49. Correlation, causation. People who work hard at “something” have more functional brains than those who don’t, but perhaps people with more functional brains are, for that reason, in the position to work hard at something.

    That doesn’t distract from how important strength, endurance and flexibility training are as you age. Your quality of life if going to be significantly impacted by how good you chose to care for yourself both physically and cognitively (within the limits of your luck and genetics.)

  50. If working mom forgets the important thing for the child at school, there is judgment about the mom from the teacher, other moms, etc.

    Note that the judgement cones from other women. Men don’t judge women (or other men) for this stuff. If women don’t want to be judged for this stuff then just stop judging each other.

    Please note that I am not referring to issues of workplace discrimination and such, just the “mommy wars” crap.

  51. I have absolutely no idea of a child in my kid’s class is missing some “important” thing to even begin to make a judgement about it. My kid certainly isn’t going to tell me – I can barely get him to tell me what he had for lunch or what he is supposed to be doing himself. The teachers aren’t going to tell me.

    It does annoy me sometimes that the teachers tend to send notes to the moms by default, but once they get to know us better & see that we both want to be in communication, they’ll usually include us both.

    Chuckling at the idea of hipsters using “pa-PA” with a posh British accent.

  52. “That doesn’t distract from how important strength, endurance and flexibility training are as you age.”

    Oh, absolutely. Our families have been trying to get both my dad and MIL, who are in their 80’s, to take some simple exercise classes that focus on these elements. My Dad goes to the gym but MIL does nothing, because it wasn’t her thing when she was younger and with her memory loss challenges, anything new is an uphill battle. Her doctor says that the is strong and healthy anyhow and could live another decade. My mom, who was a Totebagger long before there was a template and walked three miles every day into her 80’s, was felled by cancer in three months. So I am swimming every day and will be getting more serious about strength training this year, but I know that much of my aging process will be beyond my control.

  53. That piece SM referenced about women leaving engineering totally misses what I’ve observed and shared here, and doesn’t really look at how much the women wanted to be engineers, as compared to the men who wanted to be engineers.

    I’ve seen a lot of male engineers who weren’t hired by national recruiting teams, but instead were hired to fill a specific need, e.g., we need an engineer to write test code to sort wafers; IOW, grunt work. While not necessarily secretarial work, a lot of that work is stuff that didn’t need to be done by an engineer, e.g., it could be done by a technician with an AA. But I didn’t see a lot of those male engineers dropping out of the engineering profession.

    There probably is a lot of sexism involved in women leaving the engineering profession, but IMO a lot of it is what kids experience that tends to make a lot of boys want to be engineers, but not a lot of girls.

  54. “Still, I got stuck with a lot of writing and analysis simply because I was good at it.”

    Ditto.

  55. Rhett, that guy is amazing. But he looks like a skeleton.

    “At the Toronto Marathon, he raced in 15-year-old shoes and a singlet that was 20 or 30 years old. He has no coach. He follows no special diet. He does not chart his mileage. He wears no heart-rate monitor. He takes no ice baths, gets no massages. He shovels snow in the winter and gardens in the summer but lifts no weights, does no situps or push-ups. He avoids stretching, except the day of a race. He takes no medication, only a supplement that may or may not help his knees.

    What he does possess is a slight build: He is 5 feet 7 inches and weighs 110 to 112 pounds. He also has an enormous oxygen-carrying capacity; an uncommon retention of muscle mass for someone his age; a floating gait; and an unwavering dedication to pit himself against the clock, both the internal one and the one at the finish line.”

    Imagining his children or grandchildren, if he has any, telling him that he can’t possibly run in 15 year old shoes.

  56. “My favorite tactics are to not see the email telling me to do something secretarial, or to “forget about it”, or do a crappy job.”

    Now that you have tenure, any thought to stopping the passive-aggressive approach, and directly tell the person in question that it’s no more appropriate for him (I’m assuming this is largely the person you mentioned recently) to assign you those tasks than for him to assign those to any other prof, whether male or female.

    My guess is that a lot of old guys who do this sort of stuff are completely clueless about how sexist it is, and will continue to be clueless until it is pointed out to them. At that point, some will continue to be sexist, perhaps militantly rather than cluelessly, while others may attempt to modify their behavior.

  57. “There is another pitfall that hits women and minorities in academia, and that is we are endlessly asked to serve on diversity committees, or to go mentor middle schoolers.”

    My suggestion is to always include such participation in any performance reviews and to insist it be considered as part of any ranking exercises and salary reviews.

    Then if some non-minority males find out and complain, you can decline to participate in the interest of fairness to them.

  58. “There is another pitfall that hits women and minorities in academia, and that is we are endlessly asked to serve on diversity committees, or to go mentor middle schoolers.”

    This happens in business too. If you are a minority and a woman more so. In one group a minority woman had so many diversity related requests her manager was forced to step in and say it was fine to veto these requests because it was eating into her work day.

  59. Of course, not everyone aspires to be a super ager like the author’s example. Scarlett is right about the illusion of control, and Rhett is right about the need for physical and mental activity to prevent unnecessary atrophy. However, the eff u aspect of growing old can also free even the most dyed in the wool Totebagger from the need to measure himself against his peers or to seek the yuck, in order to maintain his fragile sense of worthiness. There is no SAT or BMI cutoff for passage through the pearly gates.

  60. But he looks like a skeleton.

    So does the chief of the Boston police who is also die hard marathon runner:

  61. On mommy wars and widowers, I find that single moms get put into one of two categories: the poor thing who just can’t deal with so many demands. No “help with meals and carpools,” just pity (is it real?) certainty that the single mom is in over her head and can’t possibly be of any use to any one, so will not even be asked about serving on committees, going to coffee, or getting kids together to play. The other category is “hrmph! Pull up your socks and be able to do everything we do!” The middle ground that seems most logical to me, assuming that a parent wants to be involved with a kid’s life and school, but understanding that there may be time constraints, seems to be remarkably rare. I have had some friends and mentors who get that, and Isaac’s first grade teacher here was great (pushed the room mothers to call me to reprise a thing I’d done with the kids, because it was apparently the most popular parent-led activity all year). There is also not much of an issue about it at Isaac’s high school. I suspect that there may be more single mothers among the lower income half (or more) of the school, so they don’t find it out of the ordinary.

    Lauren, that was you sneaking out? I thought it was Risley!

    Finn, “service” was a serious component of every academic appointment I had, and would include things like speaking to community groups and mentoring kids. Maybe it’s different in the tech departments Mooshi is in.

    I don’t think the idea of white guys being involved in outreach to women and minorities is preposterous at all. There was a recent spate of articles about this brilliant tactic women at the White House use to make sure they get credit–when someone hijacks a woman’s idea, someone else points that out, and they make sure to name each other when building on an idea one of them had. First people I thought of were a former professor and my son’s godfather, both white guys who used exactly that tactic frequently “yes, that relates to S&M’s point that…” “Oh, that’s what S&M was saying, isn’t it?” Of course, learning to deal with the race- gender- or otherwise based bigotry that still exists is something best taught by someone who has dealt with it, but there are plenty of ways for white guys to be supportive.

  62. And I completely agree with Finn’s point at 5:34 The passive aggressive approach can be the easiest way to slip out of something you shouldn’t have to do in the first place, but it does nothing to help our kids and their generation. There can be good reason to be a tenured radical!

  63. There is no SAT or BMI cutoff for passage through the pearly gates.

    I love this ! Life can be so random. The healthiest of my grandparents who participated in sports had a long slow decline and death due to Parkinson. One from diabetes (could argue that better care would mean a longer life) and two lived relatively long lives passing away at 88 and 92. They didn’t smoke and ate a balanced diet – exercise was doing day to day tasks for themselves. They also had the company of their families including grandkids.

  64. “There is no SAT or BMI cutoff for passage through the pearly gates.”

    “I love this”

    It reminds me of a comment from years ago following a lengthy and pointless discussion about the maximum appropriate age for children to ride in strollers at Disney World:

    “There are no Stroller Police. Do whatever works.”

  65. My old law firm supposedly counted all the hours on diversity committees as firm-building non-billable time, like writing articles or firm management. I didn’t stick around long enough to find out if it really helped anyone make partner, though.

    S&M, now that all the volunteer opportunities in my kids’ classrooms are sent out in classwide emails and whoever reads it and gets to the website first gets the spot, I wonder if there is still that much pigeonholing of single parents: either you saw the email and signed up, or not, and as long as you show up as promised, it’s all good.

  66. It does annoy me sometimes that the teachers tend to send notes to the moms by default

    I’ve never seen this. Our kids teachers always emailed both of us because both our email addresses were listed.

    On the longevity, I’m convinced that the bulk of it is genetic. I think exercise is the best think you can do to maintain physical and mental health, but it goes more to quality of life than duration of life.

  67. “I’m convinced that the bulk of it is genetic.”

    That, and avoiding things like wars and moving vehicles.

  68. After wasting many minutes flipping through the Netlix offerings last night, College DS and I rewatched “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.” One of my favorite films. It was made in 2011, when Jiro was 86, but at age 91 he is still making sushi every day, though after he had a heart attack at the fish market when he was 70, he lets his son do the shopping. Amazing. And great lessons about becoming an expert at your life’s work. Here is an interview he gave last year. http://hypebeast.com/2015/4/jiro-ono-of-jiro-dreams-of-sushi-in-his-last-interview-with-ren-redzepi-of-copenhagens-noma

  69. I retired about 2.5 years ago because it was the only way to get the time (with pension payments) to deal with DD#2 and elderly parent issues. The plan was to find some part time work that if I had to quit because of their issues it would be no big deal, but my current gig came along and fit well. However, I did notice when I started back about 8 months out of the workforce that it was hard on the brain. It made me more aware of my partner’s mental decline as he does not do much that is mentally challenging. It shows up the most in the difficulty he has (that was not previously so pronounced) of dealing the children’s school and activity scheduling.

    Sexism in the workplace – I have found the boss makes a lot of difference. I have had one male boss who was overtly sexist and agist, and another who was sexist. The second one was changing my assignments from an area I had autonomy over to one that I was “unofficially” being supervised by a peer and where I had less control over all. At that point it was time to go.

  70. “Sexism in the workplace – I have found the boss makes a lot of difference. ”

    I agree completely. And not just your direct boss but senior leadership and the leadership of your own larger team. Company/industry helps too. Where I work now, there are a lot of women in senior positions. Day-to-day I feel very comfortable and only have experienced minor issues very rarely. But the Global HQ leadership is all old white European men. And it shows.

  71. Finn said “tell the person in question that it’s no more appropriate for him (I’m assuming this is largely the person you mentioned recently) to assign you those tasks than for him to assign those to any other prof, whether male or female.”

    Omigod, omigod, omigod. You have no idea how bad that would be. This guy is famously thin skinned and defensive. He can be mean beyond belief – I have watched him systematically destroy one of the tenure trackers who dared to question him. I have to work closely with this guy because I have a major role in running our major. No way am I going to do that! Once, (and this was post tenure), I dared to suggest that I couldn’t come to an open house presentaiton because I didn’t have childcare. He ripped me apart in email. I ended up going to a very senior woman who had worked closely with him without drama – her advice: always stroke his ego and make him feel important. There are just people like this in life, and I have to deal with it. At least he doesn’t make deaf jokes to employees who wear hearing aids, like my manager at the second industry company used to do. That guy was too toxic to endure.

    I did have some great managers at my first industry job, and the chair I worked under at directional state u was amazing – a complete joy to be around. So good management does exist

  72. On teacher assumptions: my DD’s current teacher is male, and he still sends all the notes and phone calls to me!!! And worse yet, when I told him that DH does her homework checks, he made some joke about dads missing things.

  73. On sexism and diversity in the workplace, I have actually landed at a place that hires for diversity as a primary characteristic and presumes competency. It is fantastic. I am assumed to be a professional and my opinion is valued. We are globally and ethnically diverse and have women and minorities in leadership roles. A lot of time and money is spent on culture and employee retention. I truly enjoy it and am challenged by the interesting people I am surrounded by. I think there are at least 10 languages between <50 people. I get to do innovative things and am empowered to find solutions.

  74. Mooshi, is he sharp enough to notice a pattern if you consistently avoid doing those inappropriate tasks?

  75. Besides genes and avoiding the things Finn has listed, being white and having money are two things the contribute to a long lifespan in the US

  76. Regarding why women leave engineering, I just learned that one of my acquaintances was laid off a couple months ago. She is her family’s breadwinner and I don’t know what her plans are, but I think networking to get another job can be harder for women because they don’t have as many casual relationships with other engineers as men tend to. I live in an engineer-heavy area where male engineers know each other from softball and kid activities, so this observation may be area-specific.

    I’m sad for her because this is a tough time for their family.

  77. WCE, wouldn’t the natural next step be to reach out and help see if you have a connection in your network that might help?

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