by Grace aka costofcollege
Sunday is Valentine’s Day. Here are some random thoughts on love.
Why is marriage so hard over the long term?
One of the main reasons is what science calls it “habituation.” Which is a fancy way of saying we get bored.
Early on, when a couple can finish each other’s sentences it’s romantic. But over time “predictable” is a huge negative.
Chris Rock puts it this way:
You stop talking . . . because at some point you’ve heard everything that person has said . . .
Read the article to see if you agree with these 3 Things That Keep Love Alive.
- Learn from arranged marriages.
- Focus on the good.
- Do more exciting things.
More food for thought:
This question implies that a couple does “a lot of separate activities but still live under the same roof”. Here’s a section from one comment in the discussion.
..I’m a firm believer that it can be healthy to develop one’s own interests outside the marriage – as long as it’s not hurting the marriage. Most of the time, if it’s beneficial to an individual, that person will bring the benefits and satisfaction back to the marriage. Just my theory.
I know people who did everything together – and are now split up. But I also know people who did most things separately and split up, too. I think it’s all about balance….
What about sex?
What Keeps Couples Happy Long Term
A large, new study on sexual satisfaction finds happy long-term couples share certain habits
I thought this was a pretty good way to describe the early stages of romance, at least from a woman’s perspective. What do you think?
… by “romance,” I know they mean the traditional version, the one that depends on living inside a giant, suspenseful question mark. This version of romance is all about that thrilling moment when you think that someone may have just materialized who will make every single thing in the world feel delicious and amazing and right forever and ever. It springs forth from big questions, like “Can I really have what I’ve been looking for? Will I really feel loved and desired and truly adored at last? Can I finally be seen as the answer to someone else’s dream, the heroine with the glimmering eyes and sultry smile?” And this version of romance peaks at the exact moment when you think, Holy Christ, I really am going to melt right into this other person (who is a relative stranger)! It really IS physically intoxicating and perfect! And it seems like we feel the exact same way about each other! Traditional romance is heady and exciting precisely because — and not in spite of the fact that — there are still lingering questions at the edges of the frame: “Will I be enough for this person? Will she stop wanting me someday? Is he as amazing as he seems/feels/tastes?”
Do you do anything special for Valentine’s Day?